Princess Aurora is What? GAY?
by Orchid87
Summary: Some might not have been told the true story of Princess Aurora, and her...alternate lifestyle. Her quest isn't quite how Walt Disney captured it on screen. I just thought I should be the first to unveil the truth. Enjoy!
1. Meet the Princess

AH! The hills were alive with the sound of music! AHH LA LA LA….

The birds flew, the animals frolicked, and 16 year-old Aurora was pretending to make-out with her pretend boyfriend Sven.

Since she had been in isolation for her whole life, Aurora had only read about love and boys in the books and editorials her midget fairy moms had given her. She had practiced French-kissing on her hand so many times, just like all the hot, sexy celebrities did, yet she still felt empty inside. Sven couldn't complete her. She found herself daydreaming more about, err… about other things. Of course, Aurora never had a normal home life. Her thinking was just about as screwed up as one could image. As a child, her stout fairy-mothers had kicked her out of the house, making up lame "excuses" Aurora knew were false. See, at the age of 13, she had stumbled across their secret stash, and there was no longer denying it— all 3 fairy parents were stoners…. And today they needed their fix.

"AUROA! Get yo' punk A down here'! Don' make come up ther'!—gurrrrl, y'all knows what happens when yo' momma don't get her "magic!"

That's what they called it—it was always momma's "magic."

"But momma Flora, I don't have anywhere to go, I haven't got any friends!"

"You got them rodents! Go sing to 'em like you always do!"

"I—I know, but what I really want is a human friend, Flora! Why haven't I met any? Am I not special enough to have one?"

"You bet yo' A you ain't! No where's my cell? We is throwin' a kegger tonight!"

Her speech was slurred and she staggered just to keep on her feet.

She stumbled towards at Fauna, who in turn looked into Merewether's dope-deprived bloodshot eyes. All began laughing in unison. As drunk as Flora got, they knew that she could party hardy, and to the three fairies, that meant getting some well-deserved action.

Hurt by Flora's caustic remarks, Aurora again piped up.

"I just… I dunno, I—I just need a partner, that's all…."

"Hon'" Fauna began, "We got you a year subscription to Macho Man Monthly, don't you, ahem, enjoy the eye-candy?

"Well--it's….well...it's okay I guess……"

Whatin be da matta' wid it? Y'all gotten yo'self a problem with naked, well-oiled men?" Flora quipped at Aurora with a half-consumed glass of Sangria. "Y'all knows that that Sh cost $14.95! Crap, tha's a week's worth o' liquor…I mean, pasta noodles..yeah.. heh heh…"

"Actually, well, I found another magazine in Merewether's nightstand—I think I like it better…."

Merewether flushed scarlet as all heads in the room turned in her direction. She was caught.

"Merewether, what maga--…"

But before Fauna could finish asking, Merewether cut her off and began nervously shooing Aurora out the door.

"Nothing, nothing really…"

Her red color and drug-deprived face unmasked many questions for Aurora, and

Jamming her foot in the cottage doorway, she turned a hopeful glance at Merewether for her questions.

"wha—what want to know is….."

"What we're doing today right?" intercepted Merewether, "Glad you asked!"

"No, I…"

"Oh ya kno'…little o' dis and dat…" exclaimed Flora, wishing Aurora would shut her fat, curious mouth and leave.

Then Merewether, in desperate need of a shoot-up, interrupted.

"Were gonna shoot up some heroin….I mean, plan your birthday party…" A nervous giggle erupted from her as she caught herself midsentence.

Fauna gave a checking look over in Merewether's direction for her near slip of the tongue, but then thought it better to not bring up the subject, and with the aid of Flora, pushed Aurora out into the wilderness, and with haste, shut the door behind her.

Pots and pans could be heard rummaging around behind the closed door, and with her unanswered questions, Aurora headed out to find her mammal-friends. She began warming up her voice for her sudden burst of random singing. This, to Aurora, was serious business. This was her mating call, and she was feelin' mighty lucky!

As her voice echoed through the forest, some random man, (why he was in a forest looking for some booty, only he knows) overheard her majestic calls, and galloped her way.


	2. Mr Prince Charming

Using his Ass-honing skills like Sonar, he found the singing Aurora with ease. Daring not to interrupt her ballad, he parallel parked his steed between two adjacent pine trees and whipped out his scope. She was amazing! Her perfect hair and smokin' bod were just like out of a fairy-tale…yeah…(nevermind.)

The man seemed to have no intelligence what-so-ever. It never really occurred to him that some hot, blonde skank running around barefoot singing to animals would ever check out as normal, but to him--baby got back!

He watched her for a bit, admiring her glorious curves.

'She'll be perfect for a mate', he thought. 'I know these back-wood types, they're all a bunch of gullible inbred deadbeats.'

'How perfect her hips would be for bearing a son. Hmmm… Yes, she is deffinantly a star candidate for baby-making!'

He rubbed his hands together after dropping his scope and made ready to leap out of the bushes.

He leapt. She nearly crapped herself from fright.

"Hey Hey Hey!" He shot her the fakest looking grin and arm-span for his welcome as only he, a retard, could muster.

"Holy CRAP! What's the matter with you? Don't you ever--…." Aurora stopped and stared at this strange being. His muscles were flawless under his tunic so tight, and his features reminded her of those naked magazines her Fairy-moms keep buying her. Something superficial in her head was telling her that she should be turned on by this sight of studley man-meat—yet, she wasn't even losing her breath or perspiring. How odd.

"My beautiful maiden, I've come to take you away to my palace where we can procreate—I mean…live happily ever after!" That stupid smile seemed almost plastered to his jaw.

"Umm, well…" Aurora looked around the forest for an escape. "I don't exactly know you so…."

He, the prince, was quick to answer.

"Ahh, but we've met before!"

"We—we have?"

"Why yes, once upon a dream!"

"What the hell are you talking about!"

Aurora stood frozen in place as Mr. Prince Charming took her hand, gazed deeply into her eyes, and opened his tone-deaf mouth to create some of the worst singing this side of the west-gate moat(and that's a pretty populated area mind you).

Aurora's face wrinkled in painful agony at the sound of this torture. She took her free hand and cupped it over one of her ears. If she didn't act now, she was sure her eardrums would burst.

Instinctively, as all women should do with strange men on booty-call that sing love songs to them, Aurora shot her leg high into the air, catching him where the light don't shine. Immediately the prince stopped his squawk and let go of Aurora's hand. His singing was replaced with intense screaming, though it was hard to tell the difference.

It was now or never! She bolted for home.

'Psycho…God, he sounds worse than Ashlee Simpson's new album,' Aurora thought to herself as she made her mad dash.

"Wait!" the voice was becoming more distant with each step she ran. "I love you! I've always loved you! Let's run away together! He was so desperate for some action he would say anything to keep her attention.

To his surprise, Aurora stopped running and turned to face him, though he was at least fifteen yards away.

"Look, just leave me alone! I don't know you so—HEY! At least give me the decency of standing up straight! Golly! Why are on earth do you keep holding yourself between your legs?"

With a dumbstruck look, he glanced away rolling his eyes to evaluate her question.

When he had regained himself, he matter-of-factly answered her.

"I happen to be the Prince and I wish to marry you and make you my man-slave—err...wife… and, well, I guess you've never taken a sex-ed class so…."

Eww! His wife! Was he serious! And what in the world was 'sex-ed'?

She took another step back and began running even faster towards home, only this time, the Price had regained his composure and was closing in the distance.

"Oh man I'm being stalked!" she was beginning to become panicky.

Aurora's cottage came into view moments later, but leading him to her house would only mean more trouble. She needed an exit strategy!

Seeing a bush a few yards away, Aurora dove behind it to avoid being seen. Within seconds, the Prince, still singing his 'Once Upon a Dream' crap, spotted the house and approached the front door. Before he could rap his knuckles across the wood, the door burst open and a flood of seven dwarves staggered out. One of the dwarves, a grumpy sort, placed a hand over his ear and pulled out a pistol. Very frightened, the Prince immediately stopped singing, and Aurora could only watch as the seemingly drunken dwarf held the Prince up at gunpoint whilst the other six began rummaging through his pockets. Once they were sure he was broke, the seven dwarves scattered amongst the trees singing something like "Hi-Ho."

'Nasty Pimps…' Aurora thought.

Prince Charming looked a little shaken as he got to his feet and brushed off his clothes, but then lost his balance as Aurora's fairy mothers came out to see what the commotion was.

"Aye! Looka' here! We has got' ourselves a-nother maaan!" Flora stuttered with a slurred speech and shot a wild eye at the chain-smoking Fauna (a cigarette was protruding from her shriveled lips). Merewether, however, looked uninterested.

Prince Charming doubled back and began sprinting away. The three fairies laughed out loud in unison as the handsome young man dashed away. I guess they were drunk again.

Aurora emerged from the bushes uttering a "Thank God" and approached the faeries.

"Aye, looka hehr' Aurora cam' back!" Flora stated with a slur.

"Hey Aurora, lemme tell ya'lls a lil' secret. C'mere!" Flora puffed through her lit cigarette.

Aurora leaned in closer and got a powerful lungful of secondhand-smoke.

"Y'alls is a perincness!"

"A-a what?" Aurora couldn't make the word out through the alcohol and tobacco influence. Besides, they were drunk and possibly high.

"A Princess!" Merewether quipped. "Duh!"

"Why do you think we trapped you out here for sixteen years?" Merewether continued.

"For our owns pleasurables?" Chimed in Flora, chuckling at the thought. Merewether rolled her eyes uncomfortably.

"Anyways deary, we need you to go into town to talk to our ringleader Maleficent. She told us she'd see ya'll again on your sixteenth birthday so we doesn't wanna disappoints her do we?" Fauna was just finishing her smoke.

"Well, I guess not."

"Okay then! Don't do anything we wouldn't do!" The three fairies bid their surrogate daughter farewell as she headed into the big strange city alone armed with a crown and a poorly drawn map.


	3. Maleficent and the Spinning Wheel

The fairies' map wasn't exactly clear. It had all sorts of smudges and inkblots etched on to its surface…and..what's this? A cigarette burn?

Aurora walked awkwardly down the busy street eying her map and glancing around at the unfamiliar street signs. This town had the most unusual name…Disneyland! You've gotta be joking! And look, the emperor is a bubonic carrying rodent with shorts. What kind of freak-show government is this?

"Hmmm, let's see…..Maleficent has to be around here somewhere…"

'UMMPHFFF'

Aurora nearly lost her balance as she tripped over a small wooden log. Wait! That's no log…it's a boy! A boy?

"Hey! Crazy broads should watch their step!"

"Oh my God! Y-you can talk and move—but how?" Distracted form her quest, Aurora extended her curious fingers towards the miraculous moving hunk of pine.

"Get off o' me you perv!" bellowed the little wooden thing, dusting himself off. "Sheesh…Didn't think we'd have so many pedophiles in Disneyland…."

Aurora blushed. "Sorry, I'm afraid I'm lost. That and you defy all laws of nature…" She squeaked out her apology.

"Ahh, I know… it's okay. The name's Pinocchio by the way. I can help you out… but, I'll need one little favor in return,"

Aurora eyed him up and down with a cocked eyebrow.

Pinocchio continued, "You have to turn me into a real boy."

Her second eyebrow shot up. This was a thoroughly forward request.

"Oh boy…he must be a virgin," Thought Aurora. "Great…Just what I needed…"

"Sure, fine, whatever." How hard could it be?...nevermind.

A thin little smile broke across his eager wooden face. "Wonderful! Let's go! Do you know where you're heading?"

"I'm supposed to meet with Lord Maleficent for my 16th birthday."

"Oh Maleficent, Eh? Pinocchio twitched his eye nervously. "Umm, yeah, she's pretty popular around these parts, but I guess you'll see what I mean when we get there. Ahh! This is the place!"

Pinocchio stopped in front of a large tower-like building; certainly the ugliest site for miles around.

He knocked.

The doorknob creaked and squealed as the primordial entry labored to swing along its hinges. On the other side stood an ancient towering figure dressed in a violet and black cloak. A piercing green eye peeked out from the corner of the opening that separated her from them. Examining the two from head to foot, she wore a curious gaze across her half-visible façade. The woman parted her cracked lips with a crooked smile and unlatched the opening the rest of the way.

Pinocchio suddenly became fidgety and uncertain, as if coming wasn't such a good idea.

"My, my. Pinocchio. It's been too long. Please, won't you come in?"

"Ummm, no—no… I..I have t-things….Besides… I—I quit using crank about 3 months ago, Gheppetto says it's awfully bad for my bark. Yea, my bark…it's just terrible"

If wooden boys could sweat, he would have drowned himself by now.

Maleficent sighed.

"You know I hate it when you lie to me Pinocchio. Tell me, have you come to pay off your debt, or beg for more 'blow'?"

"Err, as I can recall, I believe I paid you back in September. Yes. I know I did! I—I swear!"

His nose had grown two feet by his second lie. It was almost as if he had been diagnosed with some kind of malignant tree cancer. No. That was impossible. Tom Cruise created the cure for cancer centuries ago.

"You know I don't tolerate liars Pinocchio." Maleficent began to rummage underneath her drape-like clothes. An evil grin etched across her mouth as she pulled out her long silver staff. To the people of Disneyland, they knew it well as her 'pimp cane'.

Pinocchio fell back a step with the look fear tattooed over his face. He knew the penalty for racking up 30kg's worth of smack. Death was the price now.

Maleficent lashed out, striking a blow to his head. Aurora looked on in horror as sap began pooling around the open wound.

"Filthy greedy slime like that don't deserve a place in our society I'm afraid. Emperor Mickey would be most displeased. He's on of our better customers, you know." Maleficent retorted, pocketing her staff. "Now then! What can I do for you young lady?"

Aurora took her eyes off the sappy wooden corpse and turned her attention towards the speaker.

"Oh, my name is princess Aurora. I was sent here by my three fairy guardians to speak with you. Today is my sixteenth birthday."

"Is that right…" Maleficent said sizing up the new fresh meat.

"Umm...yes," Stifled Aurora, feeling Maleficent's uncomfortable gaze. "I suppose….are you going to make me marry a prince and be the queen of Disneyland or something?"

Maleficent was startled by her comment and began to chuckle slightly. Only slightly though.

"No…nothing of the sort. But you will be the 'star attraction' around these parts..'_or_ _something_'. Come, follow me."

She led Aurora inside and up the tower steps. The hallways were gloomy and a slight draft could be felt as they neared the top.

"Through this door, dearest."

Aurora stepped through the threshold and beheld a ghastly sight. The room was full of women, yet none were conversing. Rather, they looked stony-eyed and incoherent, like a group of zombies. All were scantily dressed as well. Aurora began to become hot and bothered by the sight. She wiped her brow off with haste and turned her eyes toward the objected centered in the middle of room. She prayed Maleficent hadn't noticed her feverish look.

In the center stood a large spinning wheel.

"What is this place?" questioned Aurora. "And why are all these women dressed so strangly?"

"This is our afternoon hang-out. We come here before dusk to, you know, relax a little before work. Each of us touches the spindle to feel more...free."

"Work? Will I be working as a monarchy leader now? Can I free the people from the totalitarian known as Mickey Mouse? Will this world be free of the mass broadcasting system known as the Disney channel. Shall I get to punish the Cheetah Girls accordingly?"

"I… guess you could …" replied Maleficent with hesitance. "Listen, why don't you try to relax before tonight. Go over to the spinning wheel. There's a good girl."

Aurora naively approached the object.

"I-I'm not sure about all this…." Her voice was shaky and unsure.

"Touch the spindle. Touch it I say!" encouraged maleficent.

Aurora looked down at the sharp spindle. She had never experimented with needles before…but since _everyone_ was doing it now-a-days…

Her left index finger descended down upon the needle and a very calm high washed throughout her brain. The room began to spin but it felt to her like she had alighted on golden clouds of silky heaven.

In the distance she could hear a voice; faint and barely audible.

"What are you doing? Let go! Let go of the spindle—you're not supposed to touch it that long!"

Aurora smiled at the sound. She called out to it, beckoning her friend to join in this delight. A loud thud echoed through the clouds. Suddenly, her cheek felt very cold and sore. She felt no pain as a black blur rolled over her now stiffened body. Blackness soon followed.

Maleficent watched as Aurora's lifeless body hit the stone with heavy force.

"Oh Lord, Ohhhh God! What have I done? I've _overdosed_ the princess of Disneyland! The once heroine of my business ring overdosed _on_ the heroin! What kind of Pimp Lord am I? What will people say? How much time would I do? Will they make me watch Cheetah Girls 2?"

No.

No, they could never find out. Such torture would be utterty unbearable.

Taking fast action, Maleficent gathered up the limp body and headed for the topmost part of the tower. Since the remainder of the room had been so disjointed, they hadn't realized what was happening. Good. No witnesses.

She wrapped a shroud over Aurora and dumped her body just below the roof of the tower and barred the door shut. Heading back downstairs, Maleficent sighed a sigh of much needed relief. She had gotten away with manslaughter….or so she thought.


End file.
